ADP's Recipe For Success

After having a taste of the Colonel's Original Recipe, ADP decided to come out with their own recipe, although it has nothing to do with food. Well actually only directors A and P thought of this recipe, but this is classified as a company secret, therefore it comes under ADP.

We all know that cooking is all about using the just-right amount of ingredients. Too little or too much could spoil the whole pot. The difference of one small teaspoon of something could be the difference between a normal dish and a dish fit for a king. So just as there are many different ways to write a successful essay, ADP has come out with the easiest, fastest, and most cost efficient way of producing a sure-hit with the teachers. Ready???? Here goes!!


ADP's Original Recipe For A Successful Essay
ingredients needed :
2 bowls of crap
1 tablespoon of fact
500g of correct spacing
20ml of correct font
a tiny dash of bombastic words (sprinkle liberally whenever taste is not salty enuf)

Before I begin on the cooking instructions, let me first clear the air over the different grades of crap. Crap is just like eggs - there are a few grades, ranging from grade A to grade C. naturally it is best to obtain grade A crap, and this is usually imported from places like internet websites such as wikipedia. Uncyclopedia is also possible, although not everyone likes the taste of it.

Fact is much harder to obtain, and that is why we only ask for 1 small tablespoon. it may sounds easy but trust me u wont find it in your local supermarket. it will take lots of time and effort to find that little tablespoon of fact. I advise you to be patient, the effort WILL pay off.

Instructions :
start by mixing the 2 bowls of crap together. Make sure the crap is smooth and appealing. It is also advisable to mix crap till it's soft and puffy. Afterwards add the tablespoon of fact. This is an important part of the recipe - one small mistake could mess up the whole dish. Make sure that the tablespoon of fact is spread out nicely and evenly over all the crap, so that all the crap is mixed with a little bit of truth. It's essential that the fact is evenly spreaded out as every small piece of fact is essential. The ratio for fact and crap should be around 1:2, sometimes it is also possible to make it 1:3 but anything after that and youre pushing it boy!!! (or girl)

after mixing the crap and the fact, mix the 500g of correct spacing and 20ml of correct font in a different bowl. make sure that the mixture is perfectly clear and no sediments are left behind. if not mixed properly, you could end up with words that are too big, spacing that is too wide between lines, or other disastrous consequences. this amateur-ish mistake does not go down well with seasoned food tasters aka. teachers.

by now you should have one bowl of crap+fact, and another bowl of spacing+font. pour both bowls into a blender. switch on the blender. watch the blender work. keep watching the blender. switch off blender when finished.

by now you should have an essay concoction that is full of crap, joined with a little bit of truth, together with correct line spacing and font sizes. the mixture should now look a deep blue-purplish green. any other colour is just WRONG. if the colour is different, DONT FRET!! all you have to do is highlight the words and change the colour to the correct one as instructed. If that still doesnt work, please update your blender. (i.e. Microsoft Word.) If that still does not work, pick up a wand and start shouting !@#$% or Ceteris Peribus. This should do nothing to change the colour and if it does change colour, you're doing it wrongly.

now that you have this smoking, deep blue-purplish green...thingie, you are ready to stuff into the oven ala printer to bake. however before you do so, you may want to add a touch of seasoning. take the bottle of bombastic words and sprinkle it on top of the...thingie. however please please PLEASE be careful not to overdo it, as too much of bombastic words will ruin the taste of the crap. In fact, if used too liberally, people wont even understand what the heck youre trying to cook...aka wtf youre writing.

lastly, we come to the final part of the recipe, which is the baking process. before u pass on your hard work into the hands of a machine, make sure you click 'save' before proceeding further. in addition, make thorough checks to ascertain that the oven ala printer is working properly. This is an essential part because sometimes Ovens DO blow out, as in the case of Taylor's college's oven. it went bananas and started churning dishes in landscape format...total disaster i tell u...a mockery of the profession.

so now that you have this perfect recipe, try it out!! what are you waiting for?? whats the worst that could happen?? after all, as the saying goes, if u dont try, u dont know!!!

(disclaimer : ADP is not responsible for any F's or E's you may receive on your work. Neither is ADP responsible for any form of explosions or outburst towards each individual's personal computer. However if you do get A's or B's ADP would like to credit for it. If you have any doubts or further enquiries, please do not hesitate to call us at 1800-ADP-RULZ.)